"I can feel you forgetting me."
— Letters to you (via iquitonmyself)
I love you. Not in a normal kind of way. Not like that. I walk across the street and put my jacket on while I leave footprints in the snow and I hear music and you know what? There’s this small break inside of me. You left it and I really don’t know how. I look into the eyes of people walking outside and I can see the city lights reflecting in them. No matter what time and no matter which day. I can’t help but to see you in them. In blue eyes there’s your sadness, in grey ones the thoughtfulness of yours. I can’t look into the brown ones, because this would mean seeing everything we never had. I listen to those songs. Unknowingly I chose those playlists, without sensing that those are the lyrics that define you. They explain everything I can’t. When I look into the mirror I can see the lips that once touched yours. Isn’t it funny? You can be this close to someone and lose each other so easily again? But you’re constantly present. In every cold breath I took this morning. In every painful puff of the cigarette that helps forgetting you. In every pill I take at 4 in the night so that your ghosts stop haunting me. In every lash, every birthday candle, in every 22:22 and every wish that my heart can beat again normally. But it’s in your hands, as if I lost it completely. As I lost my cuddle toy with 10, my keys with 16 and my fears as you were lying next to me. I dance with tears in my eyes through the nights of this city and I don’t know who I am. You somehow managed to show me this in those short moments we shared. They slipped right through our hands. Faster than the sand in a hourglass. To me, you’re like stars in the dark night sky. I always keep you with me, even though I can’t see you and I wish you’d feel the same. That you are lying awake sometimes and think about those things. Noone warned me that you can lose yourself in someone. But I lost myself in you. It’s like a puzzle, and before you start it, you exactly know, you’ll never find some pieces of it.